The Collapse of Appreciation.

Today I was leaving work, threw out the trash, put my bag in the car and was turning left onto Colorado Blvd. Glancing at my gas tank on E, while simultaneously passing the only two gas stations (on the same corner) before the expressway entrance. I swore to myself a bunch then kept on driving, squinting hard, to encourage my visual memory to tell me there was another gas station up ahead. I really didn’t feel like having to turn around dealing with all these awkward corners and gas station parking lots. Everyone getting off work, rushing and cutting people off as if its their last day on earth. Unfortunately that’s everyday driving in Los Angeles. So anyway, I come over a slight hill passing Target on my left and what could be a sign for a gas station begins to come into view. As I approach, it becomes more clear that it indeed is! What throws me a bit is the fact that it is also a giant car wash and there is a sign just above the word “Gas Station”, that reads “ Full-Service.” I am not sure what this means, I was born in 1986 and my entire existence as a human I have never seen a full service gas station. Not even in the smallest towns down south I have driven through. I pull in following the arrows as directed, I turn off my car, proceed to get out and pump, when a man approaches me and asks cash or credit? I answer him and he begins to pump my gas. Well now I’m standing there awkwardly with my car door half open and my credit card in my hand, not entirely sure what is happening. I cautiously and attentively sit down on my drivers side seat, keeping the door ajar, just in case I need to do something. This very kind gentlemen who has already blown my mind by pumping my gas for me, is now cleaning my windows. I’m not talking like the homeless folks  in Chicago, that wait for you at the 290 exit ramp with dirty newspapers for towels, and god know what in a spray bottle, and without your permission start aggressively smearing your windows in hopes of a tip. I’m talking if there were a college specifically dedicated to car windshield cleaning, this man graduated with a masters degree. He even had a little tool in his pocket to scrap the dirt or poop chunks off the glass, he did his job with such grace and perfection. The nozzle clicked as he was finishing up the back window, he hung it back up closed the gas tank door and gave me my total. I signed for my gas and just so happened to have a couple bucks cash in my wallet so I folded it and handed it to him along with my receipt. He looked at the bills I had just handed him and looked at me in disbelief, a large smile creeping across his face. “Oh, Thank You!” he said with total surprise. I asked him about the carwash prices “tomorrow is $1.00 off”  he says. Safe to say that’s where I will be tomorrow and hopefully I can see my friend again. 

There is no better feeling in the world than appreciation, be it from a friend, a co-worker, boyfriend, wife, sister, cousin, parent, customer. We are so quick to take things for granted, we are so undeserving. I have been to many restaurants or bars where I get the receipt and there is a tip line and I think to myself “Why?” These self serve, seat yourself, order at the counter places that keep popping up everywhere, why am I tipping you for bringing my food to my table. I’d rather be tipping the cook back there doing the work, or the busboy that’s cleaning up my mess.  The man that pumped my gas and cleaned my windows restored my faith in humanity. If only for an hour or a day, until some ungrateful asshole takes it away again, at least its something. I will take working hard for something any day, it’s a irreplaceable feeling to earn what you have. Appreciating what you have, because you worked hard for it, not because someone just gives it to you. Having the patience to wait for your dream, pay your dues, climb the ladder as they say. Doing your job well and better than your co-workers because you are better than them, a better person - any asshole can do the bare minimum. Those with integrity, those who are honest and those that work hard, that’s who I want to be around. And I’m not tipping these other dicks for doing nothing.

The Fallacy of Facebook.

Facebook has become a place where we can pretend to be who we wish we were. Good parents, the perfect couple, world travelers, artists, activists, feminists, animal rights activists, athletes. Social media in general is a blessing and a curse, it’s addictive, its corruptive and its 90% bullshit. The thin fabric of self reassurance through lies -  if you post it then it must be true. We won’t change the world through Facebook, we cant raise our children through Facebook, we aren’t going to change anyones political views, I can barely use Facebook to share a blog! 

For a long time I avoided all social media, it was overwhelming and narcissistic in my mind. It hasn’t taken long for the bitterness and empty time wasting suckage that is Facebook, to creep back into my world. Maybe that makes me a hypocrite, using Facebook to share my blog with an article about the fallacy of Facebook… Maybe. I like the irony of it though.

You should be who you are, do what makes you happy, be a good person regardless of who’s watching. Stop worrying so much about capturing the photo of the moment just being in the moment should be enough. It’s sad that we need all that attention and praise, it must be lacking in our lives. What happened to us? Before 2004 what did we do with our time, how did we share our vacation photos and did we take photos of our lunch? The next time you are about to share a post on Facebook, ask yourself does anyone care? Or what else could I be doing with my time right now? Write your own quotes, be a good friend or sister or parent or whatever you are, be it in real life, don’t let Facebook take over guys, we got this!

The American Dream

The American dream isn't exactly what it used to be. Job security, a white picket fence, two kids, health insurance and a retirement package aren't what I am after these days. What I am after is being able to make a living doing something I love to do, something that challenges my creative talents and my intellect. Sure, all those other things would be nice but I don't need them like I do the latter. I've thought many times about going back to school and getting a degree in something that brings more stability and reliability say – maybe a Veterinarian Technician, I love animals. Then I picture myself in scrubs working everyday 9-5 having to tell people their pets are sick and I just can't do it. Sometimes I wish I had a different outlook on life, that I could work a job only because it pays well. Live nice and comfy, never have to worry about paying bills on time or planning for vacations, bur I just can't find the point in that. 

I truly and completely feel if you keep at whatever it is you love, you will only find success. When you're happy and perusing a passion you believe in and admire, you will only be greeted with accomplishment. There aren't always degrees or universities out there to teach you what you need to know or guide into the direction that's right for you. I've never taken to a classroom, I learn much more from travel, people, dogs, food, nature, beauty, weather, history. My life is my university I'm not necessarily looking for the end, just trying my best to enjoy the journey. It's difficult to think you are following the right path when you can't make your car payment and you don’t feel you've made any financial progress, but it’s important to set goals and follow through. You must have discipline and self motivation, work with no end in sight, work to attain your goals and keep going. 

Embrace the struggle, hold onto the chaos, take comfort in the fact that one day we will look back and laugh. These gray and rainy patches of our lives that visit somewhat often, cannot last forever. If we are lucky enough to have found someone to walk next to in this strange world, we should be grateful and remember through all the bullshit, in a way, we have already made it. Friends, family, pets, relationships, that’s what will get us through the cruel torturous pranks our environment will play on us, well that and alcohol. It isn’t going to be easy and if it is you should be worried.